he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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