I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
