you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
