I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
