it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
