tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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