I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
