Kiss
Puke
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
