11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize