You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
