she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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