things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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