It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
