3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
