Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
