I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
