3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
