Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
