he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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