I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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