Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Dignity is for republicans.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
