my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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