forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
