Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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