I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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