I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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