Soap is not a condiment
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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