just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
