your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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