he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
