You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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