he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
