Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
