its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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