Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
