If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
