The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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