I only kidnapped one of them. chill
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
