Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
