I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
