Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
