Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
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