Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
