I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize