Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
