I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
