Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
