peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
