Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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