she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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