And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
two words...techno handjob
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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