the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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