I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
