Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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