I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
