just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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