I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I will pee on everything he values.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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