i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
