He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
