Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
