Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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