Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
