I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
