I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
and you fell through a lawn chair
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
