i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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