Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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